


Dissonance

by nelka7122



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Carpet Sex, Heartbreak, M/M, Physical Abuse, Rape, Sexual Assault, Toxic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 06:19:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8045584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nelka7122/pseuds/nelka7122
Summary: This is the reality that we’ve created and now we must face it





	Dissonance

**Author's Note:**

> This is set during the 95th episode of Hunter x Hunter. The beginning of the story is set directly after Gon exits the room after having seen the beaten up/zombie Kite.  
> I don't know why I wrote this. It hurt me.  
> But I guess I wanted to write it.  
> It's not happy. Don't expect it to be happy.  
> Also, shout out to Nichole who I brutally tortured with this fic yesterday. 
> 
> Disclaimer: HxH ain't mine and that's good because look at what I do to these poor babies

  


“I’ll go after him” Killua mutters solemnly and goes to exit through the same door that Gon had used. He can’t see the outline of Gon’s back anymore but he knows where he’ll be able to find him; in their hotel room, washing the blood off his face. Killua knows that he should give Gon at least a little bit of space before engaging him in conversation, so he takes his time and decides to walk slower than usual, allowing the night breeze cool his head.  
  
Finally, he arrives at his destination and opens the door to the room with ease. But he hesitates when it comes to checking the bathroom. His hand curls around the doorknob and he slowly twists it around, pulling the door towards himself. Gon’s standing on the other side with a sullen expression on his face. His hair is slightly wet and there are areas on his face that are already beginning to swell due to the punches Kite had delivered.  
  
“Ah, you should treat that properly.” Killua says quietly as he extends his hand to brush over the cut on Gon’s forehead. Before his fingers can make contact with his skin, Gon grabs his wrist a little too harshly. Even without his nen, he’s too strong, and Killua doesn’t know how much longer he can last before the pressure becomes too much.    
  
“Gon, you’re hurting me.” He says flatly. Gon doesn’t let go. If anything, his grip only tightens. He stares firmly into Killua’s eyes and Killua can clearly see all the pent up rage reflecting off of them. “Killua…” He says his name softly. “I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about what they did to Kite.” The transition from ‘calm’ to ‘infuriated’ is clear in his voice. Killua has to snatch his arm away forcefully in fear of Gon breaking his bones.  
  
He’s stunned for a moment and finds it hard to even look at Gon. Gon’s whole body is beginning to shake with rage again and it forces Killua to take a step back. “Killua, I need you.” He says firmly.  
  
“W-What do you need me for?” Killua asks nervously, although he feels like he already knows the answer. Gon closes in on him far too quickly. Killua feels like he should take another step back, and another, and another, until he feels the arm rest of the couch pressing against the back of his knees. Gon takes in a deep breath and stops in front of Killua.  
  
“Just you. All of you.” He says in a dangerously low voice. Killua gulps as Gon places both of his palms on Killua’s waist. “Calm down on your own.” Killua’s response is curt and to the point. It’s mostly because he doesn’t know how to react. His heart is thumping wildly against his chest. He’s not entirely opposed to the idea of Gon taking his whole body, since it’s something he’s definitely thought of multiple times. The problem is Gon’s motives. Killua doesn’t want to lose his virginity because of Gon’s need to have an outlet.  
  
“You won’t let me?” Killua closes his eyes as Gon’s palms press harder into his waist. “N-No!” he shoots back. He finally finds the strength to place both his palms against Gon’s chest and push him away. The force sends him toppling over the edge of the armrest and he lands flat on his back on top of the couch. However, before he can roll off, Gon is on top of him. He pins both of Killua’s arms at his sides to prevent him from using any means of fighting back.  
  
“Killua, there is no one else I can turn to…It has to be you.” Gon’s mind has been made up. Killua fighting back would be a losing battle. But that doesn’t mean he won’t try. “Gon, let me go.” He says sternly and attempts to free his arms. It’s no use. Even without his nen, Gon is too strong for him. He can feel Gon’s fingernails digging his pale skin.  
  
“No.” Gon replies. His voice is low and dangerous. “I won’t.” As soon as he says that, he drags Killua’s wrists upwards and pins them above his head with one hand. He then proceeds to literally rip off Killua’s pants, along with his boxers, with his free hand. Killua’s eyes widen and his breath hitches. He desperately tries to close his legs shut to prevent Gon from looking at him. Or worse, touching him.  
  
Gon struggles to spread Killua’s legs open. Every time he manages to pull one away, Killua brings the other one back in, until Killua finally decides to take more drastic actions. He manages to land one precise kick to Gon’s jaw. He can feel the palm torn from his wrist as Gon’s nails scrape harshly against his skin. The skin turns to an ugly raw red colour. It stings. But he can’t focus on that.  
  
Instead, he focuses on getting off the couch. He slides off and just as he’s about to make a run for it, Gon grabs a hold of his ankle. He ends up falling flat on his face. His nose throbs with pain and his chin feels like it’s on fire. He can feel something warm start to run over his mouth. He licks his lips. Blood.  
  
Killua can hear the sound of a zipper being pulled down and he’s quick to try and get to his feet. Before he can move an inch, Gon grabs a hold of his leg again and pulls him back in. His body slides sharply along the carpet. The rough fabric rubs against his arms uncomfortably, leaving long trails of red all the way up to his elbows. Small droplets of blood adorn the carpet in front of him and he realizes that it’s not just coming from his nose. What was once inflamed flesh on his wrists has proven to be an abrasion. The small droplets of blood that formed had been immediately wiped off as his body was dragged back.  
  
For a moment, he becomes so fascinated with his blood that he almost forgets what’s happening…Until Gon forcefully turns him around and grabs both of his thighs. He pulls both of his legs apart and pushes them upwards. “Gon, you can’t do this.” Killua cries. He can feel tears brimming at the edge of his eyes. He’s torn and on the verge of fully breaking down. He can’t physically get out of this position anymore, no matter how much he twists and turns his body around. Fear swells up in his chest and his breaths are coming out in desperate pants.  
  
“You’re right. I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore.” Gon is shouting now. He’s crying but Killua can’t fathom why. He should be the one to cry, not him. He’s not the one being forced to do something against his will. “So it has to be you. It has to be you. It _has_ to.” Before Killua would feel glad if Gon relied on him the most…Now Killua wants to be the last person Gon looks to.  
  
Everything inside Killua’s head is spinning. Everything seems to move in slow motion but too fast at the same time. With one brutal shove, Gon forces himself inside. Killua lets out a pained wail of anguish as the tears finally break free. They slide down his cheeks like lose raindrops on glass. He feels like his whole body is being torn apart. Gon doesn’t give him any time to adjust. He just violently begins moving his hips at a rapid pace. The friction is too much for Killua to handle. He can feel his insides rapture and suddenly it’s not so difficult for Gon to move himself in and out. In the back of his mind, he knows what has happened, but he doesn’t want to think about it.  
  
He _can’t_ think about it. His shirt rises up and his back begins to rub uncomfortably against the carpet. Every scratch becomes more painful than the last as Gon’s sloppy thrusts force his body to acquire carpet burns. His insides are being butchered and he feels like he’s going to die. Gon's pounding mimics the erratic beating of his heart. It’s only so wild thanks to his fight or flight reflex. Yet he can’t do anything about it. The only thing he can do is arch his head back and squeeze his eyes shut while repeating the same mantra over and over again in his head.  
  
"Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, _why_?”  
  
Why is this happening? This isn’t Gon. This _can’t_ be Gon. Gon is kind and gentle.  
  
_“We didn’t do anything. Our enemies did.”_  
  
Killua can barely take it anymore. He feels sick. His whole body is shaking and he’s lost the will to struggle. His eyes become blank as they reopen and stare at the ceiling above him. The cold sound of flesh slapping against flesh echoes distantly in his ears. It becomes fainter and fainter as his consciousness starts to wane, while the mind numbing pain starts to take over. He doesn’t care anymore. He _may as well_ die.

Without warning, Gon pulls himself out and twists his legs around, forcing him to lie on his side with one leg on the floor and the other still suspended in the air. Killua figures that he’s experimenting with different positions to try and find the one that suits him the most. He doesn’t comment. Instead, he allows Gon to enter again. His entry is slightly smoother, but not any less painful. The slapping continues and this time it’s Killua’s arm and side that get to feel the fiery caress of the carpet. Gon’s pace starts to accelerate and Killua can tell that he’s close.  
  
He’s right.  
  
Gon finishes off with one final thrust and releases himself inside. Killua can feel his insides being violated with something hot and sticky. His whole body feels gross and sweaty, but at least it’s finally over. At last, Gon takes his dick out and Killua feels all the fluids slowly start to drip out onto his thighs.  
  
It’s over, right? So why… Why is Gon still holding on to his legs?  
  
“You can let go now.” Killua spits bitterly. He’s trying his best to keep all of his emotions in check but he’s not sure he can. Gon doesn’t reply immediately, and given by his sharp panting, he’s still trying to catch his breath. “Not enough.” He finally says.  
  
Killua’s eyes grow wide. “No.” He breathes out almost inaudibly. Before he can so much as move one of his aching muscles, Gon twists him around and forces him to his knees; he’s no better than a dog this way.  
  
Since he’s still young, Gon manages to get hard again within a matter of seconds. He doesn’t bother to tell Killua when he’s going to enter and why should he? Once again, he inconsiderately shoves himself inside and begins rocking his hips back and forth. The burns on Killua’s arms become more and more inflamed as Gon forces his whole body to rock alongside him. Gon’s movements are a lot smoother this time, but they are still irregular and far too rough for Killua…  
  
Until Gon hits one spot in particular. The sensation stems from Killua’s prostate and branches out all across his body. He gasps loudly. His arms collapse and his face drops down to the floor.  A shiver passes through his whole body as his muscles convulse. Gon manages to hit that one spot again, eliciting another verbal response from Killua. He seems to have picked up the hint and has resulted to repeatedly bashing his length into that one particular place. Killua’s whole body ignites on fire and he can feel the flames licking at his skin, sending all of his senses into overdrive. The drastic shift from pain to pleasure is making him go crazy and he doesn’t know what to feel anymore.  
  
A string of low moans escapes his parted lips. He hates himself for it and he almost bites his bottom lip in an attempt to stop all incoming sounds. It’s gross and it’s disgusting. It doesn’t feel good. It _shouldn’t_ feel good. Yet here Killua is, absolutely losing it and letting himself go as his attacker comes inside of him again. Killua can’t hold himself back. His own semen splats flat on the floor and stains the carpet along with a small portion of his abdomen. Gon finally lets go of his hips and he falls limp to the ground.  
  
Gon doesn't bother himself with Killua anymore. It's over. It's done. Killua can hear the sound of a zipper being pulled back up and the stomping of boots moving away from him. He hears the door click open before it’s quickly slammed shut again. As soon as he can no longer hear his footsteps, he breaks down.  
  
Hot tears cascade from his eyes like waterfalls and his throat nearly breaks from the cries that escape his lips. He lets himself go until he feels like he has no more water to offer up for tears. It feels like it’s been hours but it’s only been minutes and the sensation of everything burning is still all too fresh. He feels so broken, like a discarded toy. It’s been so many months since someone has actually been able to break him. The years of constant torture provided by his family don’t seem so bad anymore compared to what Gon has done to him in the short span of an hour.  
  
He slowly picks himself off the ground and drags his aching body to the bathroom. The sink is still covered in blood but Killua can’t bear to clean it up. He doesn’t want to touch anything that has to do with Gon. He doesn’t even bother to look at himself in the mirror. He doesn’t want to face himself; this disgusting body that actually felt good as Gon proceeded to tear him apart like a mere object.  
  
He discards his shirt and slips in the shower. He turns the water to the coldest setting in hopes of it soothing all the burns and scrapes. It barely helps, but at least it cleans up all of the blood and semen staining his body. He doesn’t know how many minutes have passed but it’s been long enough to make him feel like a human popsicle.  
  
_Not visible._  
  
He wants to become invisible. Silently, he steps out of the shower. His body still feels dirty. He doesn’t even touch the only towel that is at his disposal. He knows that Gon touched it. He stumbles all the way to the bedroom and collapses on one of the single beds.  
  
His hand lightly brushes over his stomach and his fingers curl together. It’s almost bitterly ironic but he feels glad. He’s glad that he was born as a male. If he had been a woman, who knows what could have happened? If Gon ever does it again…and again…Killua can rest knowing that he’ll never have to bring another monster into this world. He can rest knowing that if it’s just him, no one else will have to suffer.  

He curls himself up in the blankets and closes his eyes. He wants to think that this is all just a bad dream. He wants to open his eyes to a better day. But his nightmare never ends. This is the reality he has forged himself and now he has to face it.

 


End file.
